Q. What do you do when feeling all needy and wanting someone to hug and hold you? Sometimes it seems that us dharma farers must be stoic and mindful, staying with whatever is going on, not running from it into the arms of a comforting friend. Where on this noble path, the place for hugs and holding, the loving and accepting of sorrow, sadness, loneliness? Isn’t the self and pity for itself at the root of all sorrow and not to be encouraged? Should strong emotions from whence the self arises be not indulged in at any cost? What do you do when blue?

A. Sangha and a teacher will help you bear with your emotions to a large extent, but when they are too powerful in the way you describe then, for example, find a friend and a shoulder to cry on. Let go, but try to observe the precepts as best you can. We can only do our best; there isn’t anyone who can contain all the time in all situations. What is important here is to make friends with what you perceive to be your limitations and not get into negative thoughts about not being capable of doing this practice, etc. Don’t beat yourself up; be kind and considerate to yourself and your present condition. Remember, we are all trapped by karma so entrenched that no one can let go by an act of will, and the process of change can be very emotional and fearful. Be gentle, but be firm and committed, so when the situation arises again you do your best to bear with just that little bit more than the last time. And no, self-indulgence is never a good thing.